Hermione Plays the Dating Game
by Ami the QEFM
Summary: *Chapter 3 now up!* Hermione mistakenly gets suckered into playing the Wizard version of "The Dating Game". An entertaining host and even more.. um, interesting bachelors add to the overall humor of the story. PG for some violent answers from one of the c
1. In Which Our Adventure Begins... and Loc...

Hermione Plays the Dating Game  
by Ami the Queen of the Evil Flying Monkeys  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing. I know the standard "Dating Game" only has three bachelors, but for the sake of variety, I have four.  
  
A/N: If anyone has done something similar to this before, I do not mean to copy anyone, I just thought it would be fun to write. No infringement is intentional.  
  
~*~  
  
The scene opens on a small studio with huge, painted hearts plastered all over the walls, a shade dividing the room in two sections, and three stools sitting on the left side of the studio.  
  
"Hello and welcome to the Wizard Dating Game!" a man with big hair and even bigger teeth walked out from behind a curtain, waving to the crowd. "Hi mom! I'm Gilderoy Lockhart, I remember now! Yaaaaay!"  
  
A shoe flies out of nowhere and smacks Lockhart in the head.  
  
"What was I saying? Oh yeah. Today we will set up a lonely witch with a... er... handsome single wizard! Hermione Granger, come on out!" Gilderoy said, gesturing grandly toward the curtain behind him. A girl with bushy brown hair steps out, looking confused.  
  
"This isn't Flourish and Blotts.. where am I?" Hermione asked, glancing around warily at Lockhart and the near-empty studio.  
  
"Why, you're on the Wizard Dating Game!" Lockhart said, smiling and showing off his perfectly white teeth. Hermione raised her eyebrows at him, backing away toward the curtain.  
  
"How do I get out of this place?" Hermione demanded, feeling around in the seemingly endless set of curtains.  
  
"You don't! You have to play the Wizard Dating Game first!" Lockhart replied, smiling and beckoning to a large, cushy chair that had just appeared in the middle of the room.   
  
"No! No no no no! You can't make me!" Hermione cried, desperately clawing at the curtains. She stopped momentarily, pulled out her wand, and attempted to set the curtains on fire, but Lockhart plucked the wand out of her hands before she could manage a single curse.  
  
"Sit down, Miss Granger, while I explain." Lockhart said, pushing her toward the chair. Hermione sighed heavily, sitting down in the chair wearing a look of utter disgust.  
  
"Behind this shade, we have four eligible bachelors for you to choose from!" He paused momentarily to gesture at the shade in the middle of the studio, "You choose one, then you go on a fabulous vacation with the winner! Bachelors, come on out!"  
  
Four shadows appeared behind the shade, sitting on the stools.  
  
"Where the chocolate frogs am I?"   
  
"So this is what happens when you push the star button on the fellytone..."  
  
"CRUCIO!"  
  
"Aaaaagh! Father!"  
  
Hermione's eyes went wide, and she looked as if she would have a heart attack at any second. Lockhart handed her a stack of cue cards, and she reluctantly began to read from one of them.  
  
"Bachelor number one, I love surfing...wait a minute, no I don't...I live in England for crying out loud, it's not that warm there!" Hermione exclaimed. Lockhart motioned for her to continue, and she sighed. "So tell me what you enjoy most."  
  
"I like Quidditch, and Quidditch, and Quidditch, and occasionally saving the world, but mostly Quidditch." Bachelor number one replied.  
  
"Okay then, Bachelor number three, imagine I am an Italian food.. what the?"  
  
"Fine, fine. Imagine I am an Italian food, describe me."  
  
"You're covered in zesty, thick red sauce. Red is the color of blood. Blood! I crave blood! BLOOD FROM THAT MEDDLING LITTLE POTTER BOY! BWAHAHAHAHA!" Bachelor number three cackled evilly as bachelor number one slid his stool away slowly.  
  
Hermione paled, but continued, "Bachelor number four, my friends describe me as a meddling workaholic know-it-all...wait, you spelled 'meddling' wrong... that's better. How would your friends describe you?"  
  
"Friends? What are these friends you speak of? Those lunkheads that are always with me? Umm, they'd probably say I'm evil, loaded, and handsome. Maybe not the handsome part, but the voice in my head counts as a friend, doesn't it?"  
  
"Mmm-hmm." Hermione mumbled, staring down at the next cue card, "Oh, you can't be serious...."  
  
Lockhart nodded. Hermione rolled her eyes and proceeded to read the cue card.  
  
"Bachelor number two, describe your ideal woman and what would she... smell... like?" Hermione said plainly, shriveling her nose at the question.   
  
"Well, she'd have bushy brown hair, brown eyes, large front teeth-except she just got rid of those, be top witch in her year, be good at almost everything, be incredibly smart, her parents would be dentists...and she'd smell like library books." Bachelor number two replied, near drooling.  
  
Hermione nodded and felt her cheeks go pink at the description, "Bachelor number one, I have always wanted to visit Gilderoy Lockhart's...WHAT?! YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS! IT'S A LIE! A LIE!" Hermione shrieked, stopping in the middle of cue card and staring at Lockhart, looking as if she would kill him at any second if she only had her wand.   
  
"Go on, Miss Granger." Lockhart egged her on, ignoring the vicious eye-daggers she was sending him. Hermione took a deep breath, and imagined Lockhart's head blowing up a thousand times, that made her feel much better. With a bit of disgust and embarrassment in her voice, she continued.  
  
"Bachelor number one, I have always wanted to visit Gilderoy Lockhart's house. Where do you want to go?" Hermione said very quickly, burying her face in her hands. Lockhart beamed at her.  
  
Bachelor number one laughed for a few minutes, then regained his composure long enough to answer the question.  
  
"I want to go to Mars so Voldemort," he stopped, listening to the audience gasp in horror, "can't get me. I'll kill him while we're there so no one ever has to hear about him again. Then I would come back to earth and play Quidditch for England."  
  
The audience liked what they heard, and started chanting, "NUMBER ONE, NUMBER ONE!"  
  
"LOCKHART, LOCKHART!" Lockhart chanted, doing an odd sort of jig. Hermione groaned and read the next cue card.  
  
"Bachelor number three, same question."   
  
"I would want to go to Hogwarts so I can KILL HARRY POTTER! BWAHAHAHA!"   
  
"Well, at least you have a hobby..." Hermione said sarcastically, "Bachelor number four, what is your most embarrassing moment and why?"  
  
"Well, once in Knockturn alley I saw a little mudblood first year push over a barrel of monkeys' tails, and father ordered me to turn him into a frog, but I turned him into a toad instead!" bachelor number three replied, his face turning red.  
  
Hermione looked annoyed and insulted by the answer, but she proceeded.  
  
"Bachelor number two, what is your favorite food and why? These questions are getting easier and easier.." Hermione mumbled off, waiting for bachelor number two to reply.  
  
"Chocolate frogs! They're the color of her hair and they taste yummy! I only get them a few times a year though because we can't aff--mum says too much sugar is bad for your teeth." Bachelor number two answered, the tips of his ears turning pink.  
  
"Bachelor number one, I love to listen to music. If you were a musical instrument, what would you be and why?"  
  
"Hmmm.. instruments can't play Quidditch, can they? This is tough. I think I would be a trumpet because I am bold and difficult to overlook.... stupid scar..." Bachelor number one replied, deep in thought.  
  
"Bachelor number four, same question."  
  
"I would be whatever my father tells me to be, but I'd probably be a bassoon because they sound so dark, strong, and evil." Bachelor number four said, nodding. *A/N-To anyone who doesn't know what a bassoon sounds like, they sound a little like bagpipes.*  
  
"Bachelor number four, same question. Boy, they really like this question..." Hermione trailed off, waiting for a response.  
  
"I would be a tuba so I can KILL HARRY POTTER! BWAHAHAHA!"   
  
"How can tubas kill Harry Potter?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"THEY JUST CAN!" Bachelor number three replied angrily.  
  
"Fine, fine. You have a one-track mind, don't you? Next and, thank God, final question. Bachelor number two, same question. I'm really getting tired of this question.. stupid musical instruments..."   
  
"I would be a clarinet so I can sing sweet love songs to my beautiful, intelligent, bushy-haired girlfriend...if only she were mine." Bachelor number two sighed, daydreaming.  
  
"Well folks, that's all for tonight! For a new twist on the game, YOU get to decide who Hermione goes with! Will it be....Bachelor One?"  
  
"Forget it, I have Quidditch practice." Bachelor number one can be seen walking out of the studio, shaking his head and taking off on his broom, which is parked outside.  
  
"Bachelor Two?"  
  
"I love you, you beautiful, smart witch named Hermione! MARRY ME!!"  
  
"Um, okay...Bachelor Three?"  
  
"I have to go plot some more so I can KILL HARRY POTTER! BWAHAHA!" Bachelor number three can be seen exiting the building, carrying a huge stack of papers and mumbling something about invading Home Depot for supplies.  
  
"Or Bachelor Four?"  
  
"I have to ask father if I can date yet, and she had better not be a mudblood!"  
  
"Cast your votes now, who will Hermione spend her fabulous vacation with? Bachelor one, two, three, or four?"  
  
  
~*~  
  
Vote in the little box below, and if I get enough response to this I'll write a continuation. Unlike the presidential election, there will be no recounts, so vote now while you can!   
  
Comments, good or bad, are appreciated at all times. E-mail them to me at Potter_is_Hotter@yahoo.com.  
  
  
  



	2. The Aftermath (part 1)- The Journey begi...

Hermione Plays the Dating Game-the Aftermath  
by Ami the Queen of the Evil Flying Monkeys  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.  
  
~*~  
  
The results (as of March 20) are in! And the winner is...  
  
BACHELOR NUMBER 2!  
  
Here are the official tallies-  
Bachelor 1- 36  
Bachelor 2- 80  
Bachelor 3- 38  
Bachelor 4- 26  
  
Enjoy the fic, thanks for voting! My apologies if this gets too cutesy, after-effects of four-hour musical fluff fest. Oh well, on with it!  
  
Ami's Note: In the last installment, I mentioned that bassoons sound a little like bagpipes. Yes, I HAVE heard a bassoon before (I sit behind one for cripe's sake!), and the only reason I used that comparison is that our bassoonist had to imitate bagpipes in a piece last year and he did a very good job of it. I have a better one now, it's a cross between a bass clarinet and an oboe, which sounds like someone squeezing a duck. *smile* Is that better?   
  
~*~  
  
"Hello and welcome again to the Wizard Dating Game! I'm your host Dan Smellypants." a man with huge hair steps out from behind a seemingly endless set of curtains lining the back of the studio.   
  
"No you're not, you're Gilderoy Lockhart, stooopid!"   
  
"Oh yeah, that's right. Anyhow, let's get started. Hermione Granger, come on out!" Lockhart motioned to the curtains, where Hermione reluctantly entered the studio. Her eyes were puffy and red from lack of sleep, and she looked like she would kill anyone who crossed her.  
  
"Must we go through this again?" Hermione asked, plopping down in the cushy red chair in the middle of the room designated for her.  
  
"Yes, now we have the results of the voting in!"  
  
"Oh God, save me." Hermione mumbled, sighing, "Who is it?"  
  
"Hermione, you're going on a fabulous three-night Hawaiian vacation with none other than..." Lockhart began, but stopped when a figure burst out from the crowd.  
  
"Wait! We have evidence of this girl," the man from the crowd announced, dragging a brown-haired girl in by the wrist, "fixing the voting!"  
  
"I did no such thing! I only counted the votes I got!" the girl, who was identified as Ami, protested, struggling to get loose.  
  
"Well, in case of error, since it was such a close election, both the runner-up and winner will go on the vacation!" the man from the crowd announced. The crowd gasped as Ami wriggled her way free of his grasp.  
  
"Well, there goes your bonus, buddy." Ami grumbled, brushing the dust off her skirt, "You too, Lockhart. It wasn't that close, anyway."  
  
"No bonus for Lockhart, no bonus for Lockhart! Hehehe!" Lockhart giggled.  
  
"Since I have to finance this tremendously joyous trip, why don't we see who is actually going?" Ami said sarcastically, sitting down in the audience and crossing her arms over her chest.  
  
"The winner is Bachelor number two!" Lockhart read aloud from a cue card, "And the runner-up is Bachelor number three!"  
  
Hermione looked as if she would pass out in her chair.  
  
"First of all, let's bring out the two you DIDN'T pick! Bachelor number one, come on out!"  
  
"I didn't pick ANY of them!" Hermione corrected him huffily. Lockhart didn't seem to hear her.  
  
"Bachelor number one is the four-time hero of the entire world and Seeker for the Gryffindor Quidditch team, Harry Potter!" Lockhart read on, watching as Harry stepped shyly from behind the shade. Hermione hugged him and he left. Hermione stared after him longingly, wanting desperately to leave as well and get out of this nightmare.  
  
"Bachelor number four is the rich, stuck-up Slytherin Seeker, Draco Malfoy!"  
  
"Hey!"  
  
"Oops, I wasn't supposed to read that part, was I? How about this- the rich, EVIL Slytherin seeker, Draco Malfoy?"  
  
"Much better."  
  
Draco stepped confidently from behind the shade, saw who was on the other side, and turned around.   
  
"I'm not hugging a mudblood! My father will sue!"  
  
"Fine. Security!" Lockhart called, and two big, buff-looking security guards came and drug Draco off the stage.  
  
"Now, for the runner-up, who will accompany you on your fabulous vacation, Bachelor number three!"  
  
Hermione fainted on the spot. After a few minutes, the medics managed to revive her, and Bachelor number three stepped from behind the shade.  
  
"He's the Dark Lord and terror of the world, Lord Voldemort!" Lockhart announced perkily as Voldemort walked over to Hermione. Hermione ducked and tried to run, but he managed to hug her anyway. His beady red eyes glanced hungrily at the exit where Harry had just left.  
  
"I'll be right back." Voldemort said, sneaking off after Harry. Hermione grabbed the back of his robes.  
  
"Oh no you don't, Harry is my friend."  
  
"Awww... but I must KILL HARRY POTTER! BWAHAHAHA!" Hermione glared at him, but let go of his robes, turning her attention back to the ever-smiling Lockhart.  
  
"Finally, the winner of the contest, Bachelor number two! He's the red-headed sidekick of the famous Harry Potter, Ron Weasley!"  
  
"Oh God.." Hermione sighed, her cheeks turning pink as she buried her face in her hands.  
  
Ron walked around the curtain, blushing clear to the roots of his hair, which made him look like a freckled tomato with a terrible sunburn. When he saw who was on the other side of the curtain, he fainted.  
  
"Medic!"  
  
~The Next Day, at the Holiday Inn~  
  
"Get up, Hermione! You have a flight to catch!" Lockhart cried giddily through the locked door.  
  
"You can't make me! I won't go!" Hermione's voice came in a muffled reply through the door. Lockhart, somehow knowing Hermione would protest, grabbed his wand and blew the door off its hinges.  
  
"You'll have to pay for that, you know." a passing maid said, looking skeptically at Lockhart. Lockhart smiled his most dazzling smile at her.  
  
"No I don't, she does."  
  
A very disgruntled-looking Ami stepped out of the room next door, looking murderous and very sleepy.   
  
"Lockhart, how many times do I have to tell you? DON'T BLOW ANYTHING UP!" Ami grumbled, frowning at Lockhart disapprovingly. "Ami is NOT a morning person.."  
  
"Yes Ma'am." Lockhart whispered meekly.  
  
"Now get her on that plane or ELSE, Lockhart, and I don't want any more mistakes!"  
  
Lockhart nodded, his smile fading briefly. Ami spun around in her slippers and went back into her room.   
  
"Miss Granger, you have to come with me."  
  
"Nooooooooooooooo!" Hermione pleaded, attaching herself firmly to her bedpost and refusing to move.   
  
"Security!"  
  
The same two big, buff-looking security guards from the shabby studio popped out of nowhere and grabbed Hermione, plucking her off the bedpost with ease.  
  
"What do they do, follow you around? Hellllp!" Hermione cried, struggling against the guards' grips on her. They drug her down the hall and after a long stint of rebellion the elevator, they somehow managed to lock her in the airport van.  
  
"Nooooo!" Hermione screamed, clawing at the back glass of the van as it drove away. The trip had begun.  
  
~*~  
  
"We're going to gate 23-B. Get her luggage, I'll take care of her." one of the security guards read from Hermione's ticket, motioning to the other guard to get Hermione's baggage. He picked up Hermione and slung her over his shoulder, starting down the long hallway.  
  
Ron and Voldemort had arrived earlier, and were sitting in the airport's waiting room when the guards carried Hermione in, still kicking and screaming.  
  
Ron blushed from ear to ear when he saw her, "Don't worry Hermione, this will be fun."  
  
"Fun for you maybe, but I don't want to go. HELP ME!"  
  
Voldemort mumbled something imperceptible, but it ended in 'Harry Potter', so Hermione knew it wasn't good.  
  
"You'd better get this straight Voldie, I'm not going to tolerate you trying to kill one of my best friends on this trip, so you can just forget your little plans concerning Harry." Hermione said bluntly, struggling away from one of the guards and walking along towards the gate sensibly. Voldemort looked hurt and insulted, but didn't say anything.  
  
"I thought you didn't want to go?" the security guard she had struggled away from asked, looking at her peculiarly.  
  
"If someone is going to give me a free trip to Hawaii, I may as well take it." Hermione replied matter-of-factly, sounding a bit more like herself.  
  
"That's my girl!" Ron said, smiling and putting his arm around Hermione. She glared at him, and he meekly removed his appendage from her shoulder.   
  
"Sorry."  
  
"Now boarding on gate 23-B, final call for gate 23-B!" a voice sounded over the intercom system. Hermione's eyes widened to unrealistic size as she glared at the glowing sign above her that read 'Gate 1-A'.  
  
~*~  
  
By some miracle, Hermione managed to drag Ron, Voldemort (now in his Tom Riddle form, as not to terrify the entire plane), and their luggage twenty-odd miles to gate 23-B and get them loaded before the plane took off. Hermione sighed with relief, plopping down in her Coach-class seat between her travel mates just as the airplane took off.  
  
"Oh, look at the birdies... A PHOENIX! AAAAAGH!" Tom/Voldemort screamed, watching out the window as the plane took off. Hermione clapped her hand over his mouth, trying to silence him and smiling at the muggles who were staring at them.  
  
"Phoenix? This plane is going to Hawaii." the passenger sitting behind them remarked, raising his eyebrows at Tom.  
  
"Shut up, Tom, or you'll get us all thrown off the plane!"   
  
"But I don't like phonixes, whenever I was just a little dark evil wizard I was bitten by one and I've never quite gotten over it.. Will Hermione keep the bad old birdie away from me, pwease?" Tom/Voldie wailed, sucking his thumb. Hermione stared at him curiously, but she couldn't help pitying his terrified appearance.  
  
"It's okay, Tom." Hermione cooed, patting his head and holding out his teddy bear. Ron looked furious, he didn't take well to being ignored.   
  
"Pookie!" Tom cried happily, hugging the teddy bear which he had apparently dubbed 'Pookie'.  
  
Ron, having nothing better to do, ate his way through a whole tray of snack mix the stewardess brought, and had just started on a second when an idea struck him. Hermione had to notice him, and he knew just how to do it!  
  
Ron got up out of his seat, squeezing his thin, tall frame rather easily though the narrow aisles. He pushed himself to the front of the plane, and before anyone could stop him, he grabbed the captain's microphone.   
  
"This song goes out to a very special lady, the beautiful, bushy-haired girl in the back of the plane, seat 19-A!" Hermione recognized the voice over the intercom, and burrowed herself deeper into her seat, hoping and praying that no one would notice her flaming face and associate her with Ron.  
  
At this point every inhabitant of the plane turned around to look at Hermione, who was staring at Ron with a mixture of embarrassment, pity, and murderous anger.  
  
"Hit it!" Ron began, switching on a nearby CD player, and a pretty muggle tune blared over the plane's sound system.   
  
"She rolls the window down, and she talks over the sound.." the CD began, and Ron joined in in the middle of the verse. Surprisingly, he had a decent singing voice, though he was slightly lower-pitched than the muggles singing the song and thus it sounded bizarre.  
  
"KARIOKE! YAAAAAY!"   
  
Tom/Voldemort jumped out of his seat and raced to the front of the plane before Hermione had a chance to stop him. Hermione buried her already-pink face into her hands, sobbing quietly and shaking her head.  
  
"When you look at her, she looks at me, she's got me thinking about her constantly, but she don't know how I feeeeeeeel.." Ron sang over the intercom, shimmying a little as he sang.  
  
"AND SHE CARRIES ON WITHOUT A DOUBT, I WONDER IF SHE'S FIGURED OUT.. I'M CRAZY FOR THIS GIRL, YEAH I'M CRAZY FOR THIS GIIIIRL!" Tom/Voldemort completed the lyrics, doing a sort of cross between 'the hustle' and 'the electric slide' across the front of the plane, terrifying the poor first-class passengers as he did so.  
  
"Will any passengers singing and/or dancing in the aisles please return to your seats and SHUT UP?!" the stewardess said sweetly over her microphone. (Ami's Note: Et tu, Brady Bunch?) This announcement brought rumbling cheers from the other passengers, and Ron and Voldemort were escorted back to their seats next to Hermione, who looked as if she had never been so embarrassed.  
  
~*~  
  
"The in-flight movie tonight is provided by some big company. Enjoy!" the stewardess's voice rang over the darkened plane.   
  
Some passengers slept in their seats, but Hermione, fearing another outburst from Ron, couldn't. Ron was snoozing peacefully next to her, snoring softly and occasionally twitching and kicking the seat in front of him with his long legs.  
  
Tom was scribbling away in a coloring book Hermione had brought along, hugging his teddy bear and drinking chocolate milk. The stewardesses occasionally stopped to refill his milk glass, staring at the rather handsome sixteen-year-old boy coloring in a coloring book and talking to a teddy bear named 'Pookie'.  
  
Hermione watched with mild amusement as the opening credits flashed across the movie screen at the front of the plane, forboding music playing in her headphones.   
  
Tom looked up from his coloring book and put on his headphones, seeing the movie playing and deciding to watch it. Hermione's eyes widened and her heart fell like a stone as she saw the words "Alfred Hitchcock" flash across the black-and-white screen.  
  
"Tommmiekins, shouldn't you finish the picture of the puppy you started?" Hermione said, removing Tom's earphones and making a desperate attempt to turn his attention away from the screen. He shook his head and put back on his headphones, only to scream a few seconds later.  
  
"BIRDS! BIRDS!! Hermione said she'd protect me from the birdies! Nooooo!" Tom wailed, watching in terror as the title of the movie flashed across the screen.  
  
Hermione sighed, trying to comfort Tom. It was going to be a looooong flight.  
  
~*~  
  
After the stewardesses had given Tom some Valium, the trip had went along rather uneventfully and as smoothly as could be expected, and by morning they were sitting in the Waikiki airport.  
  
"Where are we going now?" Ron asked, staring at Tom, who was sitting peacefully in a nearby chair, drooling in his sleep and soaking his teddy bear.  
  
Hermione glanced down at her watch. "It's only 8:30, the van doesn't come to pick us up and take us to the hotel until 9:30. Do you want to walk around a bit?"  
  
Ron looked as though he'd just heard it was raining chocolate frogs out. "Sure!"  
  
"Well, come on. I'm starving, surely they have a restaurant somewhere in this gargantuan airport." Hermione replied, getting up and stretching her sore legs.  
  
"What about him?" Ron asked, motioning to Tom, who was still snoozing peacefully.  
  
"Don't worry about him, he's so drugged up he won't be up for another hour or so. Let's go."  
  
Ron got up, wobbled around a bit on his still-asleep legs, and walked along next to Hermione. They didn't have to walk long before they came upon a huge shopping-center in the middle of the airport.  
  
A pungent smell struck Ron's nostrils, and he felt himself begin to drool. "Food!"  
  
Hermione smelled it too, and turned her head in the direction Ron was pointing.  
  
"The Pixie Nest?" Hermione mumbled, reading the sparkling sign above the small restaurant. Real Cornish pixies were whizzing around as outside the place, tethered to numerous posts. It was seemingly unnoticed by the muggles that streamed around it.  
  
"Ron, do you still have your wizard money? I exchanged mine before we left." Hermione whispered, pulling Ron off to a vacant corner.  
  
"Just a few sickles and knuts, but it should be enough." Ron said, holding out a handful of silver and bronze coins.  
  
"I'll pay you back." Hermione replied, turning slightly pink.  
  
"Don't worry about it, 'Mione, it's my treat." Ron said, smiling and taking her hand. Hermione didn't object, and they took a seat in the near-empty restaurant.  
  
"Hello dears, what will you have?" A waitress appeared in front of them, watching them glance over the menus. She was apparently part pixie herself, for her skin shone slightly blue and she was very small.  
  
Hermione ordered pancakes and Ron the same, and the food arrived at the table, steaming hot just a few moments later.  
  
"So where do you want to go?" Hermione asked, striking up a conversation easily. After all, Ron had been one of her best friends for years.  
  
"Well, we could go to the beach, since we're surrounded by them." Ron replied, looking up from his pancakes, which he was now inhaling at an inhuman rate. Hermione smiled.  
  
"What a novel idea."  
  
"Excuse me? Is there a Hermione Granger here?" a woman walked into the restaurant. She wore a police officer's uniform, but Hermione could see her wand quite plainly sticking out of her pocket.  
  
"That's me." Hermione said, standing up. Ron dropped his fork and stood next to her.  
  
"Do you know this... um, boy?" the woman asked, motioning to two other officers who were restraining a struggling Tom by the door.  
  
"Hermione! Save me!" Tom cried, still wriggling against the officers' grasps.  
  
Hermione sighed, "Yes, I do."  
  
"I thought they sedated him more than that." Ron whispered in her ear.  
  
"Apparently not." Hermione whispered back, both of them grinning.  
  
"Do you take responsibility for him?" the officer asked.  
  
"What has he done?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow at Tom.  
  
"We caught him in the Discovery Store trying to rip the heads off the stuffed pigeons."  
  
Hermione and Ron had to choke back laughs. "We'll take him, officer." Ron replied, still coughing from his suppressed merriment.  
  
The officer glanced back and forth between Ron and Hermione's pink faces, but nodded and the other officers released their grasps on Tom. Now freed, Tom ran over to Hermione and hugged her. Hard.  
  
"Thank you soooo much Hermione!"  
  
"No.. *gasp* no problem, Tom."  
  
The officers left, leaving Tom, Hermione, and Ron to finish their now-lukewarm breakfasts.  
  
"Can I get you something, Hon?" the waitress reappeared a few minutes later to refill Hermione and Ron's juice glasses, noticing Tom and taking out her order tablet.  
  
"Can I get the super-de-duper fun dragon waffles?" Tom asked, looking up from the kiddy menu. The waitress eyed him strangely for a moment, but nodded and scribbled something down on her pad.  
  
After watching Tom pick apart his waffles, build towers with the individually-wrapped jelly packets, and squirt maple syrup all over the table, Hermione decided it was time to leave.  
  
"Bye-byesies!" Tom cried, waving to the waitress and bus boy, who were both glaring at him murderously.  
  
Hermione sighed and together she and Ron drug Tom back to the exit of the airport. The van arrived a few moments later, and they collected their luggage. After a little packing and tucking, they were on their way to the hotel.  
  
"It's so beautiful here." Hermione commented, her nose pressed to the glass of the windows. The white sand of the beach spread out majestically before them, leading to a clear, turquoise ocean.  
  
Ron placed his hand oh-so-carefully over Hermione's on the armrest, "Romantic too."  
  
"Weeeee! Look Pookie!" Tom giggled, holding his teddy bear up to the window and completely ruining the mood. Ron looked very frustrated, and shot Tom an angry glance, but Tom didn't seem to notice.  
  
"Here we are." the driver said, pulling into the parking lot of a large, expensive-looking hotel.  
  
"Wow, this place is great!" Ron said, glancing up at the two towers in awe.  
  
"That place? It's nice, but here's where you're staying." the driver said, nodding to a small building behind the two towers.  
  
A squat, two-story building lay before them, covered in gray weather-beaten wood and a sloppy layer of white paint. Shutters dangled by their hinges from the windows, and the front porch sagged pitifully.  
  
Hermione sighed, "We might as well get used to it, we're stuck here for the next three days."  
  
"Thanks, Hermione. Let's go." Ron commented, still staring longingly at the huge, luxurious hotel behind them.  
  
~*~  
  
"Room for Granger? Down the hall, 103. Weasley and.. Riddle? Room 102." a frumpy-looking woman said, standing behind the front counter of the hotel and handing Hermione two sets of keys. She glared suspiciously at Tom, who was still mumbling incoherently to his teddy bear, but said nothing. Customers were customers, and she needed as many as she could get.  
  
"I have to bunk with that stupid prat? You HAVE to be kidding." Ron cried, looking over at Tom skeptically. Tom was now gnawing quietly on the ear of his teddy bear.  
  
Hermione groaned, "Get over it Ron, it's only temporary."  
  
Ron looked injured and sickened at the thought of spending his vacation sharing a room with Tom, but he picked up their bags and followed Hermione down the hall to the rooms.  
  
"Here's mine." Hermione announced, double-checking the door number with the key, and swinging open the rickety wooden door. Hermione coughed at the wave of dust that flowed from the room. A small bed sat in the middle of the room, covered by a faded mauve bedspread and two pillows. Near the back was an adjoining bathroom and a dresser. A small, ancient-looking television sat on the dresser.  
  
"It's not so bad." Hermione said brightly, grabbing her suitcase from Ron and sitting it down gently on her bed. "Let's see what yours looks like."  
  
Hermione stepped next door to the guys' room and opened it with another key.  
  
The room was nearly identical to Hermione's, but the bedspread was a hideous shade of olive green and the dresser was in a different spot. Ron nearly keeled over when he saw the lone bed in the middle of the room.  
  
"It's bad enough that I have to share a room with him, but I have to share a BED with him too?" Ron said, turning a nasty shade of green.  
  
"Well, when the Game began, the crew thought there would only be two people going on the trip, so it makes sense they would only book rooms for two single people." Hermione reasoned.   
  
"It makes sense, but what am I supposed to do?" Ron replied, looking irritated, "I'm not sharing a bed with HIM." Ron pointed to Tom, who was sitting in a corner singing "Little Bunny Foo-foo".   
  
"We can get you a sleeping bag when we go out." Hermione answered calmly. Ron thought this over for a bit, then nodded.  
  
"You two unpack and then we'll go to the beach." Hermione ordered, stepping out of the room and shutting the door behind her, returning to her own room.  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione opened her suitcase and began transferring her clothes and belongings into their proper places in her dresser. Sounds from next door were coming through loud and clear through the thin walls.  
  
THUMP.   
  
"Waaaaaaaaaah!"  
  
"Shut up, you twit. We have to get this done."  
  
"Where are my pwetty purple robes?"  
  
"Robes? YOU IDIOT! All you packed are wizard clothes! How are you going to blend in on a Hawaiian beach when you're wearing ROBES?"  
  
"Um, I don't know. Ask Pookie, he helped me pack."  
  
Sigh. "Fine, we'll get you some clothes, for now put on these."  
  
Hermione laughed, imagining Ron's face at that moment. She finished unpacking quickly, eager to see what Ron had scrounged up for Tom to wear.  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione fell into a fit of giggles when she emerged from her room a few minutes later. Ron's face was completely crimson, and Tom was sticking his lower lip out pitifully.   
  
All Ron had packed were his muggle clothes, so Tom was stuck wearing a pair of Ron's pants (which were about a foot too long for him) and one of Ron's faded old maroon sweaters. Tom looked like a very grumpy midget in Ron's clothes, but said nothing. Hermione noticed that his teddy bear was sticking out of his back pocket.  
  
Hermione suppressed a laugh long enough to speak, "Come on, we have to get Tom some clothes that fit."  
  
Ron sighed and grabbed Tom, who was sitting off in the corner alone, striking up another conversation with his teddy bear.  
  
"There." Hermione said, pointing to a surf shop a few blocks from their hotel.  
  
~*~  
  
"Can't I just wear my robes?" Tom whined, stepping out of the dressing room a few moments later. He wore knee-length khaki shorts, a wild, tropical-looking neon green shirt, and sandals. His skin was a pale ghost-white, and it looked very awkward with his attire.  
  
"No, you look very, erm, muggle-ish." Hermione said, biting her lip. Ron looked as if he would burst out laughing at any moment.  
  
"Really?" Tom said, brightening up. Hermione nodded, her face still flaming red. Ron snickered.  
  
After gathering a few strange looks from the cashier, Hermione helped Tom pay for his numerous articles of muggle clothing and he changed into a pair of shorts and a shirt as soon as they found a bathroom.  
  
"Spiffy." Tom commented, nodding down at his new clothes, "Don't you think, Pookie?"  
  
"Let's go to the beach." Hermione said, pointing to a nearby boardwalk. She grabbed Ron and Tom's hands and drug them toward the shimmeringly white sand.  
  
Hermione stripped down to her bathing suit, much to Ron's amazement. "Am I the only one that didn't wear a suit?" Ron asked, watching as Tom slipped out of his shorts, revealing a pair of green swim trunks with silver snakes slithering across them in rows.  
  
"Apparently so. Here." Hermione whispered, reaching into the pocket of her now-shed shorts and pulling out her wand. She mumbled a few words and Ron found himself clad in blue swim trunks.  
  
"Thanks, 'Mione." Ron replied, blushing sheepishly and removing his shirt.  
  
"Last one in the water is a rotten egg! Wehehehe!" Tom laughed, running at top-speed toward the water.  
  
Hermione grinned at Ron, "Well, are you going to be the rotten egg or not?"   
  
Before Ron could respond, she shot off like a rocket, leaving him staring goggle-eyed in her wake.  
  
"Hermione, I'm commmmmmmming.. AAAAGH!" Ron called, running after her and stumbling on something in the sand. He looked up to see what he had tripped over, and his eyes nearly bugged out of his head.  
  
"Watch where you're going." a very pretty girl said snottily, rubbing suntan oil on herself. Her gargantuan boyfriend was sitting right next to her, looking murderous.  
  
"Keep yer dirty hands off my gurl." he growled, getting up. Ron gulped involuntarily. Even though Ron was still taller than him, the guy was at least twice as wide as Ron and very angry-looking. Ron was reminded strongly of Malfoy's henchmen, Crabbe and Goyle.  
  
"I'm sorry. I won't do it again.." Ron stammered, backing away from the stranger and nearly missing a crushing little boy's sand castle.   
  
"That's right, you won't. You won't be able to move after I'm through."  
  
"Umm.." Ron stuttered, searching for words, but nothing came out except a dry croak.  
  
Just as the furious giant was advancing toward him, Ron's view was blocked by a blurry fluff of brown hair.  
  
"Back off." a familiar voice said from behind the hair, glowering at the towering bully. Ron looked astonished. He had never seen Hermione look so angry, even when she found out that Tom had put chewing gum in one of her books on the plane.  
  
The bully stared at Hermione a few seconds, then turned away, grunting something inaudible. Hermione shook her hair out of her face and adjusted the straps on her purple bathing suit.   
  
"That takes care of that. Now Ron, are you going to swim with us or not?" Hermione asked impatiently, looking up at Ron and biting her lower lip. Ron, still speechless at what she had just done, could only nod his response.  
  
"Well then, let's go!" Hermione replied, grinning and grabbing him by the wrist, dragging him toward the warm, inviting waters.  
  
~*~  
  
"That was great." Ron said, grinning and toweling his sopping red hair.  
  
"Pookie looks a little under the weather. Hermy can you fix him?" Tom whined, holding up his teddy bear, which was soggy with sea water.  
  
Hermione bit her lip and took the teddy gingerly from Tom, squeezing out all the water she could manage. It was already dusk, and the lights on the boardwalk were slowly switching on one by one.  
  
"I'm starving." Hermione said, pulling back on her shirt and shorts, and as if in response Ron's stomach growled loudly.  
  
Without a word, all three headed into a small diner just off the boardwalk, enticed by the wonderful smells coming from within.  
  
"What will you take?" the waiter appeared a few moments after the trio were seated in a corner table.  
  
"Um, Coke." Hermione responded, looking up from her menu and shaking back her still-wet curls, sending droplets of water flying onto the laminated cover of her menu.  
  
"Hermione?" Ron said unsurely, looking very confused, "What's Coke?"  
  
The waiter looked at Ron as if he had just said aliens from Mars were attacking the restaurant. Hermione chuckled shakily, acting as if Ron was making a joke.   
  
"He'll take an iced tea." Hermione answered before Ron had a chance to reply for himself. "And he'll have fruit punch." She added, motioning to Tom, who was looking over the beverage choices and wearing an expression of confusion identical to Ron's. The waiter nodded and left to get the drinks.  
  
"Hermy, what's a Coke? Pookie wants to know too." Tom asked, holding up his teddy bear and sitting him in the basket in the middle of the table with the bread. Hermione sighed.  
  
"It's a soft drink."  
  
"Soft.. drink? Whazzat?"  
  
Sigh. "A fizzy muggle drink."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Hermione plucked Tom's teddy out of the bread basket and placed it in the vacant chair next to her.   
  
The waiter arrived a few moments later, much to Hermione's relief. Ron sipped at his tea cautiously, but nodded after drinking a bit. Tom slurped away at his fruit punch, hugging Pookie to his chest.  
  
"Are you ready to order?" the waiter asked, taking out a pad and pen. Hermione nodded. She was the only one with any muggle experience, so she took it upon herself to order.  
  
"I'll have a chicken sandwich, Ron will have a cheeseburger, and Tom will take chicken fingers." Hermione ordered, glancing up from the menu and handing it to the waiter. Ron did the same, but Tom continued to look over his.  
  
"What kind of restaurant is this? You don't even have hippogriff eggs!" Tom protested, eyeing the waiter suspiciously. The waiter raised an eyebrow at Hermione, and she smiled unsurely.  
  
"Forgive him, he's a little unstable." Hermione explained, making a "crazy person" gesture with her hands at Tom. Ron nodded.  
  
"Completely nutters. Off his onion." Ron agreed.  
  
"I am not! AVADA KE-" Tom began before Ron clapped a hand over his mouth.  
  
The waiter looked piteously at Ron and Hermione, and after another questioning glance at Tom, he disappeared into the kitchen.   
  
"Mrrmeph!" Tom protested from behind Ron's hand, his face turning three shades of purple.   
  
"What did you do that for?" Tom demanded angrily after Ron removed his hand.  
  
"It would kind of blow our cover as normal people if you go around killing every muggle you see! No more Unforgivable Curses!" Hermione whispered harshly.   
  
"Stupid prat." Ron commented, glaring at Tom and grabbing a piece of wheat toast from the bread basket on the table.   
  
The food came a few minutes later, accompanied by a few more odd stares directed at Tom, who didn't seem to notice.  
  
"And now, the Surfside Cafe presents, Free Mike night!" a man's voice echoed through the small but jam-packed restaurant.  
  
"Mike? Who's Mike?" Ron asked, looking perplexed.   
  
"He means kario.. oh no you don't!" Hermione began to explain to Ron, noticing Tom's eyes lighting up at the sight of a huge amp and microphone set up specially for karioke.  
  
"But Hermmmmmmmmiooooone, I wanna goooo.." Tom whined pathetically, trying his best to look innocent.  
  
Hermione shook her head sternly and motioned to his food, which was sitting unattended, getting colder by the minute on his plate. Tom grumbled a bit more and shoveled some food into his mouth. He swallowed haphazardly, stood up and disappeared into the crowd before Hermione could catch him.  
  
"Da- Dang." Hermione nearly swore, catching herself just in time. Ron looked impressed.  
  
"Hermione Granger, cursing? What universe are we in, anyway? The most feared Dark Lord of all time is acting like a two-year-old retarded git, and you're almost swearing? What's next, flying pigs and purple polka-dotted giraffes? If Snape shows up in a pink tube dress, I'm running for the hills." Ron said, grinning at Hermione, who flushed pink under his gaze. She bit her lip, trying not to laugh at the expression on his face.  
  
"And up next is, um, what's your name?" the man with the microphone spoke again, leaning off the stage momentarily, "Tom? Tom Riddle? You aren't from around here, are you?"  
  
"Oh no," Hermione sighed, covering her face with her hands, "Not again."  
  
"Toldja he was a stupid prat. Well, this should be interesting. Let's pretend we don't know him, shall we?"  
  
"Agreed. Especially if he starts throwing around that ridiculous teddy bear again."  
  
Tom appeared onstage a few minutes later, clutching the microphone in one hand and his teddy bear in the other. A brass quartet struck up an upbeat Latin rhythm, and Tom began to sway his hips in time to the music. Hermione stifled a laugh and Ron looked utterly disgusted.  
  
Reading from a TelePrompter placed right in front of him, Tom began to sing.  
  
"I'm a desperado  
Underneath your window  
I see your silhouette  
Are you my Juliet?"  
  
"I'll be your Juliet! Woohoo!" a crazed female dove onto the stage as Tom started to dance around the stage. A security guard grabbed her and drug her away before she could get within ten feet of Tom, who was still pulsating to the music.   
  
Tom continued, still dancing.  
  
"I feel a mad connection  
With your body  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon"  
  
Tom, taking advice from his song, shook his "bon-bon", waving his microphone around and enjoying himself immensely. This drove many of the females in the crowd wild (also a few very odd males). A few girls reached in, trying to touch him, but security plucked them away one by one.  
  
"I wanna be your lover  
Your only latin lover,"  
  
"You're British, you idiot!" Hermione yelled at him. Tom stopped and looked confused for a few minutes, but proceeded anyway.  
  
"We'll go around the world in a day  
Don't say no, no  
Shake it my way, oh  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon!"  
  
By this time the crowd was whipped into a certifiable frenzy and Tom was sweating profusely in the burning spotlight. He plucked off his wild Hawaiian-print overshirt, flinging it into the crowd and watching as three deranged females fought over it.  
  
"This has got to stop." Hermione said, looking over at Ron. Ron's face had turned a nasty shade of green, and he looked like an overripened olive. It was apparent he couldn't hold down his dinner much longer.  
  
"Hola amigo, Hola amigo  
You're my temple of desire  
We'll go around the world in a day  
Don't say no, no,"  
  
"NO NO!" Hermione replied, trying to fight her way through the myriad of demented females, and having very little luck in her quest.  
  
"Shake it my way, oh  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon!"  
  
Tom continued to gyrate up onstage, much to the crowd's delight. Hermione continued to push her way through the mosh pit-like audience.   
  
"You're a Mata Hari  
I wanna know your story  
In the Sahara sun  
I wanna be the one  
That's gonna come and take you, make you  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon!"  
  
A few more audience members attempted to climb onstage with Tom, but before security could stop them, they descended on Tom. Tom grinned and raised his eyebrows, apparently enjoying this very much. Together, with his new backup dancers, Tom continued the song.  
  
"Up in the Himalayas  
C'mon I wanna lay ya.."  
  
That did it for Ron.   
  
"Urk! Eeeeeeew.."  
  
"We'll go around the world in a day  
Don't say no, no  
Shake it my way, oh  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon  
Shake your bon-bon!"  
  
With a little more booty-shaking, Tom shouted the last line with the crowd. He took a deep, flourishing bow, and smiled. He was breathing heavily from exertion, but he didn't seem to care.  
  
"RICKY MARTIN, EAT YOUR HEART OUT!" Tom shouted to the crowd, grinning broadly.  
  
"Hey, are you coming back any time soon? I'd love to have you perform-" a man in a pinstriped suit called over the rising noise of the crowd, pushing his way to Tom.   
  
He was cut short by Hermione, who reached up and grabbed Tom's wrist firmly, dragging him reluctantly off the stage. Groupies cooed all around the two as Hermione fought her way through, Tom in tow.  
  
"Awwwww, but Hermi..." Tom whined as Hermione sidestepped Ron, who was still retching violently into a nearby potted plant. Hermione sat Tom down firmly into a chair, then turned to tend to Ron. She rubbed his back comfortingly, helping his hiccoughs subside.  
  
"'Mione, I'm s-so-sorry." Ron hiccuped, sitting up shakily and wiping his red cheeks with a napkin. He was thoroughly embarrassed, and his ears practically radiated heat. He took a long swig from his water glass, slowly regaining his composure.  
  
"It's okay, Ron." Hermione sighed, ignoring his mussed hair and flaming face. She offered him another napkin and turned back to Tom, who was still sitting and looking sheepish beside her.  
  
"Tom, what did I tell you about karioke?" Hermione began, her tone warning.  
  
"It's... not good for me?"   
  
"That's right. Now never do that again."  
  
"But a guy gave me $300.00 and I got seventeen phone numbers! Hermi, what's a phone?" Tom said, looking both enthusiastic and puzzled at the same time. Hermione's eyes widened when she saw the handful of dollar bills in Tom's fist.   
  
"Okay, if we need money, you can do karioke again." She replied, taking the money from Tom and shoving it carefully into her pocket.  
  
"Yippee Skippee!" Tom cried happily, then looked smug, "Hey, I'm dead sexy, aren't I?"  
  
Hermione choked on the water she was drinking and Ron's pale face tinged green again.  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Stuff to look forward to: Tom in swim trunks (not for the reasons you'd expect, naturally.. you didn't think I'd make it that easy, did you?), Ron FINALLY blows his top (the poor guy finally gets some action besides soiling potted plants), putt-putt adventures, and maybe a little more Ricky Martinesque action from Tom... just maybe...  
  
Didja like it? Didja hate it? If you have ANY opinions on this, please tell me! I'm not picky, just REVIEW. Oh, and I know I probably spelled 'karioke' wrong, but please be kind enough to overlook that. I'll have the next part up MUCH quicker than this part (I'm sooo sorry for the delay, I had a Writer's Block the size of Manhattan), especially if I get reviews, cause they inspire me and make me write faster.   
  
All you Tom lovers, don't hate me! I just relish the idea of Tom acting this way. I enjoy it *immensely*. ^_^   
  



	3. Putt-putt adventures, Tom gains a "frien...

Hermione Plays the Dating Game-the Aftermath, Part 2  
by Ami the QEFM  
  
Disclaimer: All standard rules apply. Tom gets to quote Kermit the Frog, so if anyone wants to sue over that line blame him, not me.   
  
Thanks to all the wonderful, exceptional people that reviewed, you guys are the best! (Next installment, Ami brown-noses even more!) PG for the idea of Ron doing tiger growls (he's such a scoundrel..) and Tom doing, erm, Tom things.  
  
~*~  
  
After they had drug Tom out of reach of his legions of groupies, Ron and Hermione walked peacefully down the boardwalk. Tom trailed miserably behind them, still grumbling about being taken away from the karaoke bar.  
  
Ron, now fully recovered, was back into "Ron Juan" mode, holding Hermione's hand and gazing at her occasionally in the faint glow of the neon signs overhead.  
  
Hermione felt herself blush, but it was a pleasant sort of blush, not from embarrassment or self-consciousness.  
  
"I like your shirt, Hermione, it's very... um, blue." Ron said, stuttering slightly. (Ooh, he's a slick one, that Ron..)  
  
"Thanks." Hermione replied, blushing deeper.  
  
"Woohoo! Look Hermi, Putt-putt!" Tom cried happily, grabbing the backs of their shirts and stopping them dead in their tracks. Ron lost his balance at the sudden stop and nearly fell on Tom, but he managed to regain his poise at the last second.  
  
"What?" Ron asked, looking both perplexed and peeved at the same time.   
  
"I SAID, putt-putt!" Tom repeated, looking exasperated as though Ron was an annoying little child he had to explain everything to. Ron still looked puzzled, and turned to Hermione for help.  
  
"Putt-putt?" Ron asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Miniature golf." Hermione answered.  
  
"Ugh, I hate golf." Ron said, wrinkling his nose in distaste.  
  
"It's not like regular golf, it's actually pretty fun. C'mon, just try it. Tom will nag us until we play with him anyway." Hermione encouraged, following Tom towards the small course before them.   
  
They entered "Dragonland Mini Golf", heading for the cashier. Hermione paid for all three of them, and they picked up their clubs and balls.  
  
"Are you sure they don't have clubs longer than this?" Ron asked for the fourth time, holding up the longest club he could find, which was still a good foot too short for him.  
  
"No, Ron, you'll just have to do with that one."   
  
"Damn long legs.."  
  
"Ron! Behave!"  
  
"Not if I can help it." Ron replied, giving a low tiger growl. Hermione giggled and smacked his shoulder lightly.   
  
"Look Hermi, pink!" Tom cried, holding up a pink golf ball and waving it around with enthusiasm.  
  
"That's nice, Tom." Hermione replied, and, rather reluctantly, turned her attention away from Ron. Ron sighed in frustration.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes at Ron, who smiled in sympathy. They both grabbed golf balls and headed for the first course. The marker was in the shape of a makeshift dragon spitting fire.  
  
"Eek!" Tom shrieked, kicking the low wooden dragon.  
  
"What now?" Ron asked, exasperated.  
  
"Be careful, they're feisty when they're young." Tom whispered in a warning tone, pointing to the motionless dragon-shaped sign.  
  
"I'll keep that in mind if I ever meet any WOODEN dragons." Ron replied, rolling his eyes and continuing on to the green.  
  
"Wooden? Aah, clever disguise. Don't leave town, I'll be watching you.." Tom said, eyeing the dragon-shaped sign suspiciously and turning to follow Ron.  
  
~Four holes later~  
  
"SEE! I TOLD you it was following us!" Tom cried again, pointing to another dragon-shaped course marker.  
  
"It's a different one, and it's made of WOOD, you stupid prat." Ron answered, fighting the overwhelming urge to whack Tom over the head with his club.  
  
"THEY'RE REPRODUCING! HEAD FOR THE HILLS!" Tom screamed, diving into a nearby bush, shaking in terror. The group ahead of them turned around and came back to see what was wrong, eyeing Ron and Hermione suspiciously.  
  
Ron blushed, "He wasn't talking about us."  
  
The people kept glaring skeptically at Ron and Hermione, who were both blushing furiously.  
  
"He's over there, he's on leave from a mental institution." Hermione added, pointing over to a clump of shaking bushes where Tom's head was just barely poking out, surveying the landscape cautiously.  
  
The group glanced from Hermione and Ron to Tom and back again, then went back to their game, some still mumbling under their breath.  
  
Hermione smacked her palm against her forehead, her face an identical shade of red to Ron's hair.   
  
Ron sighed, "Let's get on with it."  
  
"Is it safe?" Tom whispered, still concealed by the bushes.   
  
"It always was safe, you moron." Ron replied, sounding very frustrated.  
  
"No it was not! Yousa big meanie!" Tom pouted, standing up shakily.  
  
Ron turned to Hermione, looking imploringly at her. "Can I PLEASE hit him with this stupid stick?" He waved his club in the air as if to emphasize his point.  
  
Hermione grinned, "It isn't a stick, it's called a club."  
  
"A club? Good!" Ron said, clubbing Tom upside the head with his putter.  
  
"Ron!" Hermione cried incredulously, dropping to her knees to tend to the now-sobbing Tom. Tom sat on the green, crying loudly and massaging a rising red bump on his temple. Ron was jubilant.  
  
"I haven't felt this good since I put those flobberworms in Malfoy's underwear drawer.." Ron said, sighing happily.  
  
"Ron..." Hermione said warningly.  
  
"Well, you have to admit it was pretty funny when he sat down at breakfast and his underwear squelched. I didn't know he could scream like that... like a veela on helium."  
  
Hermione attempted to fight back a laugh, but she snickered despite herself. It was kind of interesting, she had never imagined Malfoy could turn so many shades of pink at once.   
  
"Hermmmmmmmmmmmmmmi..." Tom wailed, still gently massaging the growing lump on his head.   
  
"Come on, Tom, you'll be fine." Hermione replied, helping Tom to his feet. Tom stumbled around for the remainder of the game, but all in all it was a success.   
  
Ron looked as if he'd just won the Nobel prize for the entire game, admiring the bump he had so adequately placed just above Tom's right eye.  
  
~1 hour later; outside "Dragonland Mini Golf"~  
  
"Hermi, are you SURE I can't take a dragon home with me?" Tom pouted, holding a wooden dragon sign to his chest as if it were a newborn child.  
  
"No, Tom. Come on already!" Hermione replied, rolling her eyes and answering the question for the thirtieth time since they had left the course.  
  
"But... but.." Tom cried, his lower lip trembling pitifully, "You CAN'T take Woody away! I love him!"  
  
Ron quickly turned a snicker into a cough, watching as Hermione tried to reason with the completely unreasonable Tom.  
  
"But Tommy, Woody will be happier here because he'll have other little wooden dragons to play with.."  
  
"No he won't! He wants to live with me!"  
  
Ron sighed, taking over, "Tom, that dragon is NOT alive, no matter how much you'd like it to be. Now hurry up and put it back, those security guards have been watching us for a full fifteen minutes now and the last thing we need is to be chased around Hawaii by them."  
  
"Okee-dokee." Tom said reluctantly, his lower lip still trembling as he went to put the sign back wherever he had found it.  
  
"Thanks." Hermione said, watching Tom skip off into the putt-putt course to return the marker he had dubbed "Woody".  
  
"No problem. C'mon." Ron replied, taking Hermione's hand and starting off down the sidewalk without Tom.  
  
"But.." Hermione protested slightly, glancing over her shoulder at the golf course where Tom was still saying his good-byes.  
  
"He'll eventually get the idea." Ron interrupted her thoughts, tugging her along like an anxious puppy.  
  
Hermione groaned, and allowed herself to be guided by Ron down the sidewalk. She still kept an eye out for Tom, who had yet to appear from the putt-putt course.  
  
"Look, a night club!" Ron said enthusiastically, "And it's packed!"  
  
"But Tom will never find us in there.." Hermione protested as Ron pushed through the mulling crowd towards the door.   
  
"Exactly." Ron replied, grinning impishly with a mischievous glint apparent in his eyes. Hermione thought for a moment she was with one of the twins, but Ron was much taller and thinner than either of them would ever be.   
  
Hermione sighed in a long-suffering sort of way, "Can we at least wait a few minutes to see if he shows up? You know how hard it'll be to find him if we lose him, and we can't go home without him."  
  
"Who would care? The Death Eaters? Oh, I bet Snape will be in tears if we don't bring him home with us." Ron said sarcastically, rolling his eyes but remaining by Hermione's side.  
  
A few moments later, a silhouette appeared in the distance, approaching at a rapid speed. They could hear a whisper of a voice, increasing in volume as the shadow came nearer.  
  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRMMMMMMMMIIII!!"  
  
Hermione sighed, becoming quite fed up with Tom's out-takes by this point. "What has he done now?" she wondered aloud.  
  
She didn't have to wait long for an answer to her question, as two more shadows became apparent on the horizon not far behind Tom, who was still running at top speed towards them. He barreled into Ron, knocking the wind out of poor Ron and throwing the two boys to the pavement.  
  
"Dammit, what's wrong with you, you stupid prat!" Ron cursed, letting go with an impressive string of swears under his breath. Hermione raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.   
  
She regained her senses before either of the boys, and snatched them both up from the sidewalk. She steered them both into the smoky, crowded club before the two shadows that had followed Tom had a chance to spot them.  
  
With implausible strength, she slammed them both into a wall in a nearby corner. Her cinnamon eyes blazed.   
  
"Tom, what have you done now?" she demanded, placing her hands on her hips and awaiting a response. Tom rubbed his head tenderly, and wrinkled his nose. His free hand went instinctively to the front of his pullover, feeling around for something inside.  
  
Hermione noticed a bulge in the front of his shirt that she hadn't noticed before, and groaned. "Oh Tom, you didn't.."  
  
"But.. but they were going to put him in the ground!" Tom blubbered, unzipping his pullover and revealing the same wooden dragon marker he had earlier dubbed 'Woody'.  
  
Ron, making a valiant effort not to laugh, turned to Tom and glared at him through teary eyes, "Tom, put that up or I swear I'll have a nice little bonfire on the beach after you go to sleep, and Woody won't like it very much."  
  
Tom's lower lip quivered, but he managed to put away the wooden dragon without many people noticing. Hermione sighed, and turned her back to the duo.  
  
"'Mione, what's wrong?" Ron asked, looking at Hermione with concern.  
  
"Nothing, I'm going to the restroom." Hermione said, making her way through the gyrating crowd. Ron watched her leave longingly, and turned back to Tom with a sigh of vexation.  
  
~Meanwhile~  
  
"Excuse me, excuse me." Hermione repeated, pushing her way through the vivacious crowd.  
  
After much frustration and pushing, Hermione made her way into the ladies' room. The room smelled strongly of cheap perfume, and the fumes of it nearly knocked poor Hermione unconscious.  
  
She stood politely by the door, watching as numerous skimpily-dressed, over-made-up women crouched over a single lighted mirror, each straining over the others to see her own reflection.  
  
"Hello, dear. You must be new. Come this way and we'll get you fixed right up." a blonde girl not much older than Hermione said, taking Hermione lightly by the shoulder and steering her through the other women.   
  
"But.. what do you mean.." Hermione protested slightly, wondering where on earth the girl was taking her.  
  
"Here we are, the dressing room. Hmmmm.." the girl said, looking up and down Hermione in her plain blue T-shirt and khakis appraisingly, "I believe you'd look best in lavender."  
  
"Why? What's going on.. what's your name?" Hermione managed to stutter as the other girl began sorting through long racks full of clothes.  
  
"I'm Fiona. Try this on, I think it's just about your size." Fiona replied, wrinkling her pretty little nose slightly in thought. She shrugged and removed a flowing violet garb that suited Hermione's brunette complexion perfectly from a passing rack. She forced it into Hermione's open hands and steered her into a nearby dressing room.  
  
"What the hell is going on here?" Hermione thought to herself as Fiona shut the door behind her to the small dressing room. Hermione shrugged and without another thought started to undress herself.  
  
~Meanwhile~  
  
"Do you want to see my Woody?"  
  
"Cretin!" Slap.  
  
"Do YOU want to see my Woody?"  
  
"No, get away from me!" Slap two.  
  
"Would you like to see my Woody?"  
  
"PERVERT!" Slap three.   
  
"Tom, what are you doing?" Ron asked, approaching Tom. Ron raised one red eyebrow at the finger-shaped red marks across Tom's cheek, but said nothing.  
  
"No one likes Woody." Tom sighed, looking around in despair.  
  
"You tried to show the entire club your stupid wooden dragon?" Ron replied, snickering under his breath.  
  
"Yep, but no one wanted to see him. They kept calling me mean names." Tom answered sadly, his lower lip poking out pathetically.  
  
"What's wrong? Can I buy you a drink?" a voice asked from above. Tom looked up, his eyes still bleary. It was a girl, wearing a purple T-shirt and a pair of faded denim shorts. She smiled at Tom.  
  
"Hello, my name's Megan." the girl offered, watching as Tom stood up shakily from the ground where he had been sitting.   
  
"I'm Tom Marvolo Riddle, terror of all Europe."  
  
"Well, Tom Marvolo Riddle, how would you like a daiquiri?" Megan asked, laughing lightly at Tom's formal introduction. "Virgin, of course." she added, noticing Ron's face and strange "no!" gestures.  
  
"Okey-day." Tom answered, allowing Megan to steer him away. Ron sat back down by himself, sighing sadly.  
  
"Great, a sixteen-year-old git that acts like a three-year-old is getting more action than me. This sucks." Ron thought bitterly, barely paying attention as the music stopped and the lights faded, focusing all attention on a spotlight concentrated on top of the bar.  
  
"And now, introducing.." a drumroll started as the female announcer paused dramatically, "Lady Lavender!"  
  
~Meanwhile~  
  
"I'm not so sure about this.. where are you taking me? FIONA!" Hermione asked, getting very nervous as Fiona pushed her along tight corridors and stopping at a small flight of steps.  
"Listen, all you have to do is get up there and perform. You've done it before, right?"  
  
"Um, no. What do you mean 'perform'?"  
  
"Well, since it's your first time.. you've danced before, haven't you?"  
  
"Erm," Hermione bit her lip in thought. The only time she'd ever danced in front of people was at the Yule Ball, and that was nearly two years ago.   
  
"Yes." she answered. After all, she had danced before, even if it was only one time.  
  
"Good! That's all you have to do. Now get up there, they're waiting for you!" Fiona smiled, encouraging Hermione onto the waiting stage.  
  
~Meanwhile, in Ron's small corner of self-pity~  
  
Ron was still sitting alone, wallowing in self-pity whenever the music started. It reminded him briefly of the time he had spied on Fred and George whenever they were watching kinky old muggle movies. (A/N: No, they weren't watching porn, I promise you that. It was just one of those movies with strippers and the stupid 'va-va-VOOM' music.)  
  
After about two minutes of waiting, a shadow appeared on top of the bar, and was immediately illuminated by the roving spotlight.   
  
Ron's attention was captured instantaneously, and he stared in mixed horror and delight as a purple-clad female walked around, looking extremely nervous, on top of the counter. Then, instantly, the abundance of thick brown hair and the small frame registered in his mind, and something inside clicked.  
  
"HERMIONE?!"  
  
The bushy-haired girl turned in response to her name, spotted Ron, who was now staring blatantly at her rather skimpy costume, and blushed scarlet. Ron's jaw was practically to the floor.  
  
Ron stumbled to his feet, and managed to push his way through the catcalling crowd. A few males were standing at the front, almost on top of the bar themselves, waving money at a dazed Hermione.  
  
"Excuse me, coming through." Ron muttered repeatedly as he bumped and pushed his way toward the front. Hermione watched his progress with bated breath.  
  
Suddenly, Hermione shrieked and jumped back, nearly falling off the bar in her wobbly high-heeled shoes.   
  
"Someone is grabbing at me"! she thought to herself, panicked. She looked down and saw a young man trying to put a twenty-dollar bill down her stockings. She kicked him with her heavy high-heeled shoes, but he and quite a few more kept trying to touch her.   
  
Ron reacted primitively to Hermione's despair. A rush of pure adrenaline mingled with raging testosterone coursed through his veins as he continued to struggle through the crowd with renewed vigor.  
  
"Get your hands off her, you scum!" Ron roared, finally reaching his destination and grabbing one of the men by his collar. Ron was easily a foot taller than any of the men, but while they were muscular and bulky, he was lanky and thin. One appeared to be a bodybuilder, and he looked as if he could break Ron in two with his bare hands.  
  
"We were just having a little fun." the man choked, struggling to get out of Ron's grip.  
  
"Well you'd damn well better leave her alone, that's my girlfriend up there."  
  
Hermione, listening intently to the whole ordeal, lit up like a Christmas tree at this last remark, and blushed deeper clear to the roots of her hair.  
  
"We'll do as we please, now move it, shrimp." one of the more muscular-looking men replied, pushing his way past Ron in order to continue harassing Hermione. Ron looked a picture of utter rage as the man attempted to grab Hermione's skirt.   
  
Hermione, not completely helpless, threw her shoe at the man and left a nasty lump on his forehead. He stood, dazed, for a few seconds before Ron pounced on him.  
  
"Ron, NO!" Hermione shrieked, watching in horror as Ron brawled with the man. The man's friends joined in within five minutes, and the whole scene was merely a jumble of arms and legs (mostly Ron's).   
  
"SECURITY!" someone from the crowd screamed, and not two minutes had passed before a blue-clad bouncer had pushed his way in. He separated the six struggling guys, and pushed five of them out the door.   
  
He couldn't get to Ron, however, because as soon as the fight was broken up Hermione had snatched him up and taken him backstage with her to nurse his many wounds.  
  
~Meanwhile, at the bar where Tom and Megan are sitting~  
  
"You know, Tom, you have a really great butt." Megan said, a little tipsy after her fourth (non-virgin) pineapple daiquiri.  
  
"Thanks. Wormtail has always told me that, but then again he's just a brown-noser.. and," Tom said, lowering his voice to nearly a whisper, "If you can keep a secret, I think he's gay."  
  
Megan laughed as if this were the most preposterous news she had ever heard, even though she hadn't the slightest clue as to who Wormtail was.  
  
"SECURITY!" someone shrieked over the bustle of the crowd. Almost the entire club had congregated in one corner, where apparently something very interesting was happening.  
"Oooh, Tommiekins, let's go see *hic* what's going on." Megan slurred slightly, standing up and grabbing Tom by the wrist.  
  
"I can't see!" Tom cried, holding up his teddy bear over the heads of the mulling crowd. "I think... I think it's... Ron?"  
  
"Ooh, your cute little *hic* redheaded friend, eh? Well Tom, you'd better *hic* go help him." Megan suggested, smiling at Tom and pushing him into the crowd.  
  
"Ron! RON!" Tom cried, trying to get through the stunned crowd.   
  
By the time he had pushed a path through the audience, the security guard had broken up the fight and Ron was nowhere in sight. Tom pursued the security guard as he drug five men to the door and tossed them out. He tapped the guard anxiously on the shoulder, and he turned to face Tom.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Have you seen my friend, Ron? He's about this tall, red hair.." Tom said, describing Ron and motioning to a height well over his own head.  
  
"I don't know where he went, kid. Just go back inside and have a good time. He'll show up."  
  
Tom, looking defeated, sauntered back into the club, where a still-sloshed Megan was waiting for him.  
  
~Meanwhile, backstage in Hermione's dressing room~  
  
"Ouch! Dammit, that hurts!" Ron cursed, wrinkling his long nose in pain. Hermione sat beside him at the vanity table, applying iodine to his numerous cuts and scrapes.  
  
"Oh hold still, you overgrown baby."  
  
"I think I'd rather have Madame Pomfrey attack me with one of her nasty potions than have you doctoring on me." Ron replied, grinning slightly through the tears welling up in his eyes. Hermione smiled and continued dabbing cotton balls dripping with foul-smelling ointments on him.  
  
"That was really sweet, what you did for me tonight." Hermione said, staring down at the cut on Ron's hand she was doctoring. "Thank you."  
  
"I was stupid, though. What was I thinking, those guys could've killed me."  
  
"I still think it was sweet, even though it was a little stupid." Hermione answered, grinning up at him and poking him teasingly in the shoulder. Ron smiled back. "Did you really mean the girlfriend part?" she asked, smiling playfully at his blushing appearance.  
  
"Well, whenever I said girlfriend, I really meant a friend that's just a girl--or is it a girl that's just a friend..." Ron stuttered, making a visible effort to concentrate.  
  
"Come off it, Ron." Hermione laughed lightly, leaning in and pressing her lips to his.  
  
Ron opened his eyes in utter surprise, "Hermione Granger is kissing me. She's kissing ME!"   
  
Thoughts pounded inside his brain, shock at this new development registering in every cell of his body. Then, the surprise long gone, he relaxed into the embrace and kissed her back. He wrapped his arms around her, caressing her soft hair, slightly unsure of what to do with his hands without getting slapped.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, they parted. Both were blushing profusely, and were a little out of breath.  
  
Hermione had just opened her mouth to speak when a voice broke the silence.   
  
"Lavender, dear, your act isn't finished yet!" Fiona called from down the hall. Hermione's eyes went wide. She grabbed Ron by the wrist, much to his confusion, and drug him down another hallway, trying desperately to find her way out of the place.   
  
"'Mione, your clothes!" Ron reminded her as she scuttled down the hall, still dressed in her purple costume. She did a quick about-face, leaving Ron behind in the small corridor, and ran to change back into her normal clothes.   
  
After what seemed like hours (but in actuality was a mere two minutes *Hermione changes clothes VERY quickly*), Hermione hurried her way back to Ron, quite out of breath. A few more winding halls and sharp corners lately, they finally found themselves back in the main part of the club.   
  
Hermione breathed a sigh of relief. There were at least twenty other girls there with brown hair and wearing blue shirts, it would be impossible for Fiona to find her again.  
  
"Where's Tom?" Hermione asked, snapping back into reality. Ron raised an eyebrow and shrugged.  
  
"He went off with some girl named Megan. She was going to buy him a drink, I think.."  
  
Hermione groaned in a long-suffering sort of way, "You let him out of your sight?"  
  
"Well, I was a little busy keeping those creeps' hands off you. I wasn't really considering Tom at the moment." Hermione blushed at this comment, but remained quite stern. She looked faintly like a very young, brown-haired version of Professor McGonagall.  
  
"Be that as it may, we still have to find him before we can leave. Come on, we'll start over here."  
  
"Why don't we split up?"  
  
"Are you kidding? It might take us hours to find each other again. Besides," Hermione said, grinning devilishly, "I want a little protection if those guys return."  
  
Ron smirked, put his arm around Hermione protectively, and they started their search.  
  
~Meanwhile~  
  
"RON! HERMI?" Tom called over the noise of the crowd, his voice lost in the myriad of voices.  
  
"Tommiekins?" Megan asked, putting her arm around Tom's shoulders. Tom looked over at her, but continued yelling for his friends.  
  
"What? RON! HERMI!" Tom yelled right into her face, but Megan didn't seem to notice nor care.  
  
"What's that in your jacket?" Megan slurred slightly, feeling the wooden bulge in the front of Tom's pullover. It was currently sliding downward with his frequent movement, and was now resting squarely over his naval.  
  
"It's my Woody. Do you want to see him?"  
  
Megan grinned, raising an eyebrow at him. "Sure, but you'd better come back to my apartment first."  
  
"Um, I'm not supposed to go off with strangers.. Hermi says.."  
  
"Forget what she says! Come with me!"  
  
"No!" Tom protested, struggling against Megan's iron grip. Despite the alcohol coursing through her veins, she was amazingly able to keep a good grasp on him.  
  
"HERMMMMMMMMIIII!!"  
  
~*~  
  
Hermione stopped dead in her tracks, yanking Ron back with her. Ron coughed slightly as Hermione snatched him backwards by his collar.  
  
"Did you hear that?"  
  
"Hear what?"  
  
Hermione sighed, "Someone said my name. It sounded like Tom."  
  
"Where?"  
  
"It sounded like it came from over there."  
  
"Well then let's go get the stupid prat and get out of here." Ron concluded, pushing his way through the crowd in the direction that Hermione was pointing in.  
  
~*~  
  
"But Tommiekins..." Megan pleaded, still holding tight to Tom's wrist. Tom was struggling with all he had, forcing his way through the pulsating crowd with Megan in tow.   
  
"I said NO!" Tom replied firmly, finally getting a spine, "HERMI! RON!"  
  
"Tom? TOM?" Hermione's voice carried over the crowd as she and Ron came into view through the ever-moving audience.  
  
"Hermi!" Tom cried happily, launching himself at Hermione. Hermione, caught off guard, was somehow able to catch him and keep her balance. However, Megan was another story.  
  
"Who's she?" Ron asked, watching Megan slide across the dance floor.  
  
"Umm... let's go." Tom whispered, grabbing Hermione and trying desperately to get away from Megan, who was now staggering drunkenly to her feet and advancing on the trio.  
  
"Tom... Tom GET BACK HERE!" Megan screamed.   
  
"Leave him alone!" Hermione replied, snatching up Ron and Tom and heading for the exit.   
  
They could faintly hear Megan yelling something after them, but they were already too far away to hear it clearly.  
  
"I'm glad that's over." Hermione sighed, walking between Ron and Tom and holding their hands.  
  
"Time's fun when you're having flies." Tom hiccuped, grinning stupidly. Hermione and Ron looked at their companion strangely, but said nothing.   
  
"Oh my God, it's 3:45!" Hermione exclaimed, glancing down at her watch for the first time that night.  
  
"A.M.!" Hermione clarified to a confused Ron. Ron's eyes nearly bulged out of his head.   
  
"You're kidding?"  
  
"No, I'm not." Hermione said, on the verge of a yawn, "Let's go to bed."  
  
"Now?" Ron asked, looking surprised, "But we were having so much fun.. in the dressing room." Ron added, whispering in Hermione's ear so Tom couldn't overhear. Hermione laughed and shook her head.  
  
"We still have a full day left of vacation. I want to get some sleep before our flight tomorrow evening, it's at 7:00." Hermione replied, navigating along the sidewalk through the meandering crowds.  
  
"Oh, all right then. Let's find the hotel." Ron said, nodding. He had just started scanning the shops for a familiar sign or landmark whenever a big, glittering, light-filled building on the left caught his eye.   
  
"Let's go in there, it looks like fun." Ron explained, pulling Hermione and Tom out of the groove of the moving crowd.   
  
"But Ron, it's a casino! We're too young to gamble!" Hermione protested, eyeing the building suspiciously, as if police officers were waiting just inside the entrance to grab them and haul them away.  
  
"'Mione, we aren't going to gamble, just look around and get a drink. Dad said that they give them away free if you just stand near the machines and look like you're pulling out money."  
  
"When did your dad go to a casino?"  
  
"He stayed at one when he went on a business trip last year for the Ministry. Come on, Hermione; it'll be fun, I promise." Ron coaxed, begging her silently with his eyes. Hermione sighed resignedly and followed him inside, steering Tom along behind her.   
  
"Hmmm.. what first?" Ron thought to himself, pushing through the large glass doors and entering the casino. He was blinded for a few seconds from all the bright, flashing lights, but his eyes adjusted after a few seconds.  
  
He scanned the area, looking for something a sixteen-year-old could do legally in a casino. His mind drew a blank.  
  
"Let's order a drink." Ron suggested, watching as Hermione attempted to pull Tom away from one of the glittering slot machines.  
  
"Oooh, pwetty lights. Hermi, can I see the pwetty lights?" Tom cooed, reaching out to touch one of the flashing bulbs on the machine. He withdrew his finger very quickly; the bulb was scorching hot and left a red patch on his right index finger where it's hot surface had made contact with skin.   
  
A cocktail waitress appeared out of one of the crowds, and Ron flagged her over.  
  
"Yes, sir?" the waitress said, eyeing Ron suspiciously. Despite his height, he did not look twenty-one years old.  
  
"'Mione, what do you want?" Ron turned and asked Hermione. Hermione shrugged a reply and went back to her task of keeping an eye on Tom.  
  
"Two pineapple daiquiris." Ron replied, watching as the waitress raised one delicate, heavily penciled eyebrow. "Virgin."  
  
"Obviously." the waitress replied, smiling at him and scribbling something down on her pad. Before he had a chance to respond, she had disappeared back into the crowd.  
  
When he finally realized what she had implied, his mouth fell open, leaving him looking somewhat like a fish out of water.  
  
"'Mione, did you hear that?"  
  
"Yes." Hermione said, biting her lip in a valiant effort to keep from laughing.  
  
Ron tinged pink. "Very funny."  
  
"I certainly thought so." Hermione replied, winking at him, "Come on, let's go see what we can find to do."  
  
~*~  
  
*sigh* I know I didn't manage to work in Tom in a bathing suit in this part, but I promise it WILL eventually happen! One part to go.. wish me luck on getting it out before Christmas.   
  
Up next in "Hermione Plays the Dating Game: the never-ending series", Tom in a bathing suit (not for the obvious reasons, of course!),;Ron and Hermione hook up a little more (*R/H shippers, led by Ami, do a joyous victory dance*); and Tom does more Tom things. Also look forward to another loooong plane trip (poor Hermi, she's so abused), and maybe, just maybe, a little more karaoke (I figured out how to spell it! Yay!).   
  
  
  



End file.
